Punctuation Misinterpretation

A classroom aide was working with a small group of elementary children and she
asked, "What do you put at the end of a sentence?"
These were the replies she got:
Period.
Exclamation point.
Condom
The aide said, "Do you mean a comma?"
His response:  "Oh ya,  a comma."

I guess you're never too young for "safe punctuation."

Be Honest

Do these jeans make my butt look big?

Science?

Mrs. G. to her fourth grade class: "OK, so what do you know about protons?"
Student: "I don't know protons, but I know croutons."

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Last week nine-year-old MJ was frustrated about a situation at school.  She felt some classmates were not respecting her property.  So...she decided to send her teacher, Mrs. Lugge,  an e-mail discussing her concerns.  Her teacher read the e-mail, addressed the problem and made MJ feel a sense of empowerment.

Flash forward to this morning.  MJ and Mom jump into the car for the ride to school.  The backseat is covered with fast food wrappers and empty sacks. 

MJ:  What is going on with all the trash back here.
Mom:  Dad took my car yesterday to his baseball meeting.  Wasn't that nice of him to leave his trash for us?
MJ:  He does that all the time in his truck.
Mom:  Well, if he wants to do that to his truck that's fine, but I think he needs to respect my property.
MJ:   Maybe you should write a letter to Mrs. Lugge. 

Good Idea!!

God Is Everywhere

Four-year-old Davey keeps asking where God is and if he can see him. Mom tried to explain that "God is all around us...."  So, today in the car Davey said, "God is right beside you Mom, and Jesus is by me, and Mary is riding on top of the car!"

Who knew that Mary was a stunt double?

Business Man

Ten-year-old Isaac decided to make a little extra money today. He  RENTED some of his toys to his sisters. Anyone else interested? For only $.50 per toy you can lease Isaac's toys for two days.

Dad in Charge

Dad was responsible for buying a gift and getting his nine-year-old daughter to a birthday party for her friend.  They went to the store together and bought the gift.  After arriving home, Dad made a valiant effort to wrap the gift.  He tried wrapping it with paper, but the gift was an awkward shape.  He tried shoving it in a gift bag, but it didn't quite fit.  The bag split.  He thought all was lost until a brilliant idea popped into his head.

He walked to the kitchen, reached under the sink, and pulled out a black garbage bag.  He placed the present in the bag, gave the bag a twist and knotted up the top.  As a final touch, he taped the birthday card on the side.  As he stood admiring his handy work his daughter looked up at him with big wide eyes and said, "I am not touching that.  And...when Mom gets home I'm tellin' her."

Gotta give Dad props for being a problem solver.     

God Bless America

Our small mid-western town was recently saddened by the news that a 23 year old fallen soldier was returning home.  In a show of patriotism, honor and love one thousand flags lined the route from airport to funeral home to church.  Patriot Guard Riders led the procession into town.  As my daughter and I stood on the side of the road paying our respects I looked down at her small right hand covering her heart and at that moment my own heart simultaneously melted and broke. 

While my family is blessed to share each day with a patriotic, caring nine year old another family from our same small town will never again share moments with their twenty three year old patriotic son. 

Thank you Lance Cpl Kenny Corzine for your sacrifice. God Bless...You made a difference in this world.   

Just like cable

In our effort to live healthier, my husband and I have started exercising daily.  His equipment of choice is the treadmill.  I have opted to use my new Wii Zumba game.  Today on his way downstairs to use his "Cadillac" treadmill with TV, pulse rate monitor, etc.. our nine-year-old daughter followed close behind giving him a suggestion for a better workout.  Her advice:

You and Mom should work out at the same time.  You wouldn't have to watch the TV on your treadmill, 'cause watching Mom work out is like watching cable...comedy show!

Where did I go wrong?